


Hallelujah

by RiverOfStyx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feel-good, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel loves him anyways, Halo Kink, Happy Ending, Hurt Sam Winchester, Insecure Gabriel (Supernatural), Insecure Sam, M/M, Pining, Sam Needs A Hug, Sappy, Wings, but not really a kink, halos, sam is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverOfStyx/pseuds/RiverOfStyx
Summary: It's Christmas time at the Bunker, but Sam is still having a rough time with nightmares of the Cage and general feelings of inadequacy. Good thing our favorite archangel is there to make it all better.





	Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while listening to Pentatonix's version of Hallelujah on repeat. I just couldn't get the idea of Gabriel singing it out of my head and thus this story was born. Hope you guys enjoy the Xmas feels, I sure did just writing it ^_^
> 
> If there's enough interest I might write a sequel, but right now it's a stand alone work.
> 
> Inspired By: (for the life of me idk how to do the darn fic links, but please go read these, they're amazing!)  
> Halo - vlbuehle - Sam/Gabriel  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/365770  
> Addicted To You - Ltleflrt - Dean/Castiel  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346  
> In All Your Borrowed Finery - vanishingact - Sam/Gabriel & Dean/Castiel  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/2814767

Hallelujah

Gabriel x Sam

…

Sam can't sleep.

Wiping the cooling sweat off his brow with a shaking hand, Sam throws his comforter aside and forces himself to get up, knowing that if he does something to occupy himself it will help distract him from the disturbing content of his nightmares.

Padding quietly down the hallway, Sam makes his way to the kitchen. Passing by the den he glimpses a figure on the couch illuminated by firelight and the multicolored lights strung around their Christmas tree. He picks up the soft notes of We Three Kings being sung making him smile to himself.

Sam continues to the kitchen and begins warming whole milk in a saucepan. Dean may be the resident cook for the most part, but Sam can still find his way around the kitchen just fine, he isn't a hazard like Castiel that's for sure. Grabbing a mixing bowl, Sam deposits the required sugar, cocoa, and salt into it before whisking it together. When he deems the milk warm enough he begins slowly adding the mixture and stirring it in along with a few crushed peppermint sticks.

When he's finished he pours the peppermint hot chocolate into two large mugs before adding miniature marshmallows to one of them. Satisfied with his offering, Sam makes his way to the den with the drinks in hand. He tends to do that now, always bringing something sweet with him as some kind of peace offering.

Upon entering, Sam smiles hearing the opening for Pentatonix's version of Hallelujah. This is the first time he's actually caught the archangel singing, and Gabriel's voice is nothing short of divine, both figuratively and literally he supposes. Usually, Gabriel can be found on the couch at night watching bad TV, and Sam is more often than not his nightly companion for at least part of it.

Something about the archangel changes at night, and Sam finds the time spent with him to be soul soothing in a way nothing else is for him these days. Gone are the snarky comments and constant pranks, and instead Gabriel serves as a quiet but solid presence that Sam's come to rely on far more than he's comfortable admitting.

He's pondered to himself more than once why Gabriel stays, but he isn't about to complain. The archangel simply showed up at the Bunker the day after Sam's soul had been returned to him and hasn't left since, aside from a few days here and there for what he deems 'Trickster Business'. They've never gotten a real explanation for what happened to him after Elysian Fields, but Sam could really care less these days and instead he's just grateful Gabriel is on their side.

Sam rounds the couch with quiet steps, startling the archangel into silence. "Keep going please," he requests softly, offering Gabriel the hot chocolate with marshmallows. The archangel smiles at him and accepts the proffered mug, taking a sip before picking up where he left off. Sam's smile softens and he takes a seat on the couch only a few feet away, curling up with his own mug and settling in to listen.

His gaze drifts to the tree in the corner of the den, admiring its happy colorful lights and the way it glitters in the firelight from the snow on its branches, that Gabriel mojoed into existence, which doesn't melt. Gabriel had insisted on a real tree on the first day of December, which was last Wednesday, making them all decorate it after dinner that night. Despite Dean's grumbling, Sam knows his brother enjoyed it, especially since Cas was there to help decorate their first tree since their mom had died. Sam obviously doesn't remember it since he was too young. In a lot of ways this is their first real Christmas, being that it's at an actual place they call home, with a real tree, and the people they've come to call family. The people they love most in this world.

Sam's smile dims a little, but he distracts himself by taking a sip of his hot chocolate and looking back over at the archangel just as he wraps up the last lyrics of the song. "You have a beautiful voice," Sam intones lowly once Gabriel is finished.

The gentle smile the archangel bestows upon him makes delicious warmth coil in Sam's stomach. He likes to think Gabriel only smiles at him like that, even if he knows it isn't true. After all, it's not like he's anything special, far from it in fact. He's broken and he always will be, but Gabriel somehow manages to make him forget that if only for a little while.

"Well I am kinda the original herald Moose," Gabriel replies, making Sam's smile turn more genuine.

"Is that why you like Christmas so much?" Sam asks.

“You know Christ wasn’t born on Christmas Eve right?” Gabriel asks in return.

“Oh duh,” Sam replies, flushing in embarrassment and looking down at his mug.

There’s a beat of silence before Gabriel actually answers, “I dunno, I think I like it because Christians are so snobbish about it being _their_ holiday when it’s actually just a revamped pagan one. But I am rather partial to Christmas carols as well as the spirit that goes with it, even if everyone goes back to being douches the day after.”

Sam can’t help but chuckle at the irony of something like _that_ coming from _Gabriel_ , certified dick, prankster, and everything in between.

“Hey, I never said I wasn’t one of them,” Gabriel adds with a smirk.

They sip their hot chocolate for a couple minutes before Sam is brave enough to ask, “What was it like? Christ’s birth?”

Gabriel smiles wryly and replies, “Cold as fuck that’s what. Even in early November, nights still got really cold and I wasn’t that used to being in a human vessel at that point. Other than that it was a stable, so not exactly my ideal place to hang around. Mary sure was a sweet girl though. Humans were still a novelty to me then, strange and small and temporary and wonderful in their own right.”

“Were you using the vessel you’re in now?” Sam inquires.

“Yep,” Gabriel replies with a smile, “’S why it’s so short, back then I was a perfectly average height. I like this vessel though, since I made it and all.”

“Wait, really?” Sam asks, surprised.

Gabriel nods and returns, “It takes a lot of grace to craft a vessel, but I wasn’t too keen on wearing someone else’s face.”

“So you appeared to them the same way you look right now? And they just took your word on being an archangel?” Sam queries with a raised brow.

Gabriel chuckles lowly and shakes his head, replying, “Nah, I think it’s the wings and halo bit that did that.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sam interjects, “You have a halo? And you can manifest it and your wings in a way humans can see without melting their eyes out of their skulls?”

“Sure can Sammich,” Gabriel replies with a smile.

“I wonder why we’ve only ever seen shadows of Cas’s wings and no halo then,” Sam muses aloud.

“Well, Cassie is still pretty young for an angel. That kind of manifestation of our grace requires perfect precision control, something probably only archangels like me can manage. Also, halos are unique to archangels,” Gabriel reasons.

“Huh,” Sam murmurs, staring at the top of Gabriel’s head now and trying to imagine it with a halo.

“Wanna see it?” Gabriel asks, startling Sam from his reverie. He blushes at having been caught, but Gabriel just winks at him and seems to concentrate for a second, eyes glowing gold before an equally gold halo shimmers to life above his honey colored hair.

Sam’s breath catches in his chest and he doesn’t even realize that he’s reached out to touch it until his fingertips are only a few inches away. He tries to snatch his hand away, utterly embarrassed by his audacity, but a gentle hand catches his wrist before he can pull away entirely.

“It’s okay,” Gabriel murmurs, bringing his hand back up to where it was before releasing it, leaving Sam to cover the last few inches of distance on his own.

With bated breath, Sam does, gasping at the warmth that surges up his arm and through him the moment his fingertips make contact. The only word Sam can use to describe the feeling is… holy. The kind of awe and reverence he’s feeling are like nothing he’s ever experienced before. It’s cleansing, renewing, and utterly soul soothing.

“Sam?” the archangel asks, sounding worried.

Sam blinks and suddenly comes back to himself, realizing there are tears rolling down his cheeks. He can’t help his slightly broken laugh and barely manages a wet sounding, “Wow.” He gives the halo one last light stroke before withdrawing his hand to swipe at his cheeks. “Sorry, I’ve just never felt anything like that before. Thank you.”

Gabriel appears to evaluate him for a moment before his halo disappears, and Sam misses it instantly. Taking his empty mug from him gently and setting it on the coffee table, the archangel intones softly, “I think it’s time for bed Samalam.”

Sam swallows, not really looking forward to going back to his cold and lonely bed, but he knows a dismissal when he hears it. He’s sure Gabriel has better things to do than entertain him all night anyways.

“Come on,” Gabriel murmurs, taking his hand and tugging him to stand. Sam is too stunned to do anything other than follow the archangel obediently as he’s led to his bedroom. Gabriel softly shuts his door behind him and gives Sam a gentle push towards his bed. He can only stare as the archangel settles his sheets and comforter over him, tucking him in. Gabriel looks down at him and hesitates before using a gentle hand to stroke his long hair once as he murmurs, “Good night Sam.”

Sam has no idea what possesses him, but his large hand darts out to encircle Gabriel’s wrist when he turns to leave. The archangel turns back to look at him inquiringly and he blurts out, “Stay.” Gabriel arches an eyebrow at him, and because Sam’s clearly lost his mind and isn’t above pleading, he amends, “Just until I fall asleep. Please.”

Gabriel’s expression softens again and he replies, “Okay.”

Sam scoots back so the archangel has room, who climbs in and settles himself comfortably against the headboard. He tries to remain a respectable distance away, but all of that seems to go out the window the moment Gabriel’s hand settles on his head, petting his hair gently. Sam gingerly scoots closer, but the archangel doesn’t object, even when he dares to lay his head on his lap. Instead the pets just become better as Gabriel begins combing through the strands of his hair with his fingers.

Sam’s just about in heaven, or as close as he figures he can get. He doesn’t remember ever feeling so comfortable and warm, much less in his own bed. His thoughts begin to lull, which is only compounded when Gabriel begins to hum and then finally sing in Enochian. The foreign words flow over him like the sweetest lullaby, delivering him into the arms of blissfully dreamless sleep.

…

Sam tries to tell himself that he isn’t disappointed when he wakes up the next morning and Gabriel isn’t there, but he knows that’s a god damn lie and then some. Feeling slightly more human after showering, shaving, and brushing his teeth, Sam’s disappointment is all but forgotten when he pads into the kitchen to find Gabriel making pancakes. He pours himself a glass of orange juice and takes a seat at the kitchen table, only to have a plate of pancakes topped with an assortment of freshly sliced fruit set in front of him only moments later.

Looking up at the archangel, Sam smiles and says, “Thanks Gabe.”

The only indication Gabriel gives that he even noticed Sam’s shortening of his name is the slight hesitation before he ruffles Sam’s hair affectionately, making Sam growl, as he replies cheerily, “You’re welcome Kiddo.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but tucks into his breakfast gratefully. Gabriel really does make a killer breakfast, especially when he bothers to prepare it himself. Not to mention, the archangel is much more accommodating of his diet choices than Dean ever is.

…

After that night Sam finds himself keeping the archangel company on the couch every night. Before, when he was inevitably woken by nightmares, Sam almost always tried other forms of distraction before finally giving up and going to see what Gabriel was up to, attempting to fill his time with leisure reading, researching, exercise, or any other useless activity he could think of.

He’s not particularly proud that he keeps asking Gabriel to stay either when the archangel inevitably deems him too tired and puts him to bed. After only a few days Sam doesn’t even have to ask anymore and Gabriel simply slides into bed with him, letting Sam cuddle close to him while he sings soft hymns in Enochian until Sam finally surrenders to the dreamless sleep he’s in desperate need of.

Every morning Sam has to go through the process of shutting his guilt away to keep it from eating him alive. He knows he’s taking advantage of Gabriel and his generosity, but he can’t seem to make himself stop. Worse still, Sam knows it won’t last; knows he’ll be even more broken than before when Gabriel finally gets bored of him, but he just can’t help himself. Sam figures he’ll take what he can get and deal with the inevitable fall out when it comes to that.

Waking up, feeling well rested, two weeks into their pattern, Sam is surprised to find a note on the pillow next to him. He doesn’t recognize the elegant script, but he knows it has to be Gabriel’s handwriting.

Moose,

               Something came up that I need to take care of. I’ll be back as soon as I can.

Gabe

Several things strike Sam about the note. First is that he would have pegged Gabriel as someone with atrocious barely legible handwriting, but now that he’s looking at a sample he wonders how he could have thought the archangel would have anything less than impeccable penmanship. It’s practically calligraphy, something that someone would pay to have put on stationary.

The second thing is that the note is handwritten at all, which he knows because he can see the pen Gabriel used on his desk, which is also where the paper came from. That the archangel cared enough to actually pen the note himself instead of snapping one into existence somehow makes it special… meaningful, like a promise in and of itself.

The third thing is that Gabriel used the nickname Sam’s taken to calling him by to sign his note. There’s also a ridiculously cute set of cartoon angel wings and a halo surrounding the signature, which should clash with the style of handwriting but somehow doesn’t. Instead it just makes it endearing.

And lastly, is that Gabriel chose to leave a note at all. Up to now, the archangel has taken to popping in and out of the Bunker without so much as a hello or a goodbye, unaccountable to anyone but himself.

Sam swallows against the lump in his throat and moves to find his memory box that he keeps hidden under a loose floorboard just under his bed. Giving everything in the box a quick onceover, Sam gently places the note on top before closing the box and storing it safely back in its hiding place.

Now all he has to do is wait.

…

Sam’s first night without Gabriel’s company is rough, to put it lightly. It’s like his nightmares know he won’t have anyone to comfort him when he wakes and try to be especially vicious, leaving him a trembling, freezing wreck when he jolts awake. He spends the rest of the night on the couch in the den, trying and failing to warm up by the fire.

The second night goes much the same, just worse if that’s possible.

The third night Sam doesn’t even try to sleep, choosing instead to sit on the couch and stare blankly into the fire once more. He knows he can’t look good at this point, functioning on less than three hours of sleep in just as many days, but he can’t bring himself to care. Well, more like he can’t bring himself to face his nightmares of the cage knowing no one will be there to reassure him he’s not still in it when he wakes up.

Sam can hardly even eat on the fourth day, earning him more than a few concerned looks from his brother and Cas, but he spends most of the day holed up in the library to avoid them. He supposes he should be grateful that Cas managed to convince Dean to take a Christmas vacation, meaning no hunts until after the new year. He strongly suspects Dean only agreed because he and Cas are practically a pair of newlyweds still, and as such are still fucking like bunnies, since Dean only managed to work up the balls to tell Cas how he feels just over a month ago. Sam doesn’t begrudge them of it though, far from it in fact. He’s just grateful Dean’s room is clear on the other side of the Bunker so he doesn’t have to hear them go at it.

Still, sometimes Sam can’t help the twinge of jealousy he feels seeing the two look so happy together. But if anyone deserves happiness, it has to be his brother and his angel; he just wishes he could have that too. Sam _knows_ it’s wishful thinking, especially because of who he wants to share that happiness with. He tries not to focus on it too much, since it tends to lead to depressive thoughts that only make him feel worse. But really, how could anyone want him now? Especially an archangel that can see into his very soul; see just how broken, tainted, and shattered he really is.

Irredeemable.

Upon commencement of the fourth night without Gabriel, Sam resumes his place on the couch, just staring blankly at what is usually the archangel’s spot and wondering if he’s ever actually coming back. Gabriel hasn’t ever been gone this long since coming to stay at the Bunker. Sam muses that it’s entirely possible that he’s driven the archangel off for good with his neediness and clinginess.

Sam doesn’t even realize that the being he’s contemplating has appeared beside him until he hears, “Good Dad, you look like hell.”

Sam blinks and looks up at the archangel. He tries to muster something like a genuine smile as he returns, “Hey Gabe.”

Gabriel frowns down at him, and asks, “What happened Sam?”

Sam swallows and has to try to find his voice in order to reply, “Couldn’t sleep well.”

Gabriel snorts and shakes his head. “More like not sleeping at all. Come on silly Moose, time for bed.”

When the archangel reaches for him Sam flinches and whimpers, “No!”

Gabriel snatches his hand back almost instantly, and before Sam can stop himself he’s pleading, “Please, can’t I just stay out here with you? Just for a little longer? I just don’t,” his voice cracks, “Don’t want to be alone right now.”

The rather shocked look Gabriel is giving him is enough to make Sam hang his head in shame. How could he be so selfish? Sam forces himself to his feet, even though he barely has the energy to do so, intending to give the archangel his space; the space he’s been so intent on invading night after night these past weeks.

“Never mind. Sorry Gabe,” he forces himself to choke out before turning to head back to his room.

Sam barely manages a step before a hand grips his wrist and spins him back around, only to be enveloped in a hard embrace. He’s only stiff for as long as it takes to realize who is hugging him and then Sam practically sags into it, wrapping his long arms around Gabriel’s shoulders and tucking his face into the warm skin of his neck. The archangel holds his weight with ease and Sam isn’t sure he’s ever felt anything better than this.

It’s a minute before Sam can find his voice enough to apologize roughly, “Sorry I’m so pathetic.”

Gabriel strokes his back soothingly as he replies lowly, “You’re not pathetic Sam, just traumatized and sleep deprived.”

Sam is too grateful and choked up to reply, so he doesn’t even try.

He’s not sure how long they stand there, but it hurts like a physical wound when Gabriel finally draws away. Sam lets him go because he knows the archangel isn’t his to have, no matter how much he wishes otherwise. Gabriel doesn’t release him entirely though, and instead threads the fingers of his right hand with Sam’s left ones as he intones, “Okay, how about we try that again. _Let’s_ go to bed.”

It’s all Sam can do to swallow and nod, allowing the archangel to lead him along the now familiar path to his room.

Once in his room, the pattern Sam has grown familiar with deviates further, with Gabriel snapping himself into a pair of pajamas and actually lying down next to him under the covers, two things he’s never done before.

Sam stares at the archangel from his place on his pillow, wondering what’s going through the other’s mind right now.

Eventually Gabriel lets out a long breath making Sam cower slightly, thinking the archangel isn’t happy with him. Earnest honey eyes regard him intently. “I’m sorry Sam, I didn’t think I’d be gone so long.”

Sam isn’t sure he’s ever heard Gabriel apologize for anything before. He shakes his head and replies roughly, “It’s not your fault I’m such a mess Gabe.”

Gabriel purses his thin lips and then finally says, “That doesn’t change that I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Sam swallows and doesn’t reply, mostly because he has no idea what to say.

Silence stretches for a few moments between them until Gabriel entreats, “Tell me what I can do to help.”

Sam blurts out, “Can I see your halo again?” before he can stop himself. He instantly flushes with shame and looks down, waiting for the rejection he knows is coming. Even if Gabriel’s never said it plainly, it’s obvious halos are special… sacred even, especially if only archangels have them.

He can see the illuminating glow of Gabriel’s grace even behind his eyelids a moment before a gentle hand tips his face upwards. Opening his eyes, Sam is no less awed than the last time. Gabriel’s golden eyes are so kind too, and Sam thinks that just maybe he’s glimpsing the archangel as he was before: so full of love that his brothers’ fighting forced him to rip himself free of the Host or risk being destroyed if he stayed.

Gabriel tilts his head forward slightly in silent acquiescence. Sam takes a fortifying breath and raises a tentative, trembling hand to brush his fingertips against the shining, gold, not quite solid circlet. The same divine warmth sweeps through him again, chasing away the rawness he feels to his very core and tearing a sob of relief from his chest.

Sam sinks his fingers into it, feeling Gabriel’s grace surge through him even stronger, and he doesn’t think he’s ever known what it means to feel unburdened until this moment. Rather than pull away, the archangel wraps an arm around him and pulls him close, letting Sam bury his face against his neck as he cries.

He isn’t sure how long it is until he realizes Gabriel is speaking to him, soft murmurings of, “It’s okay Sam. I’ve got you. You’re not alone, not anymore. I’ve got you, I promise.”

Sam’s fading fast though, too tired from being sleep deprived for this long and now completely wrung out emotionally on top of it. “Gabe,” he whispers against soft skin.

Just as the dark edges of sleep threaten to pull him under, Sam feels something warm and soft drape over him, cocooning his whole body from head to toe.

Wings.

And sleep claims him.

…

Sam wakes alone just like usual and rubs at his forehead absently, swearing he can feel phantom lips on his brow. Sitting up and stretching he catches a glimpse of something gold in his periphery. Looking down curiously, Sam spies a single golden feather on the pillow next to him, placed too deliberately to have been left there on accident.

He picks up the feather carefully and gasps at the gentle rush of warmth he feels upon contact. It’s nothing like the surge of raw power Sam feels when touching Gabriel’s halo, but there’s no mistaking now that the feather definitely belongs to the archangel. Turning it over gently in his hands, Sam admires the myriad of golds that seem to make up the feather’s coloration. It’s about seven inches long, and while almost indescribably soft, it feels much sturdier than any normal feather.

He can’t help but wonder why Gabriel left it for him, but he’s grateful regardless. Sam only briefly contemplates putting the feather in his memory box, but quickly discards the idea, knowing that he can’t bring himself to part with it. Instead, he gets up and rummages around in one of his supply drawers until he produces a length of leather cord. He carefully knots it several times around the calamus, tugging on it to make sure it’s secure before tying it around his neck. The warmth of it settles next to his heart, seeming to warm his whole chest and letting him breathe easy. 

_Thank you Gabriel_ , is the quick prayer he sends before moving to get ready for the day.

Gabriel seems to know he has it with him the moment they come face to face in the kitchen, the archangel’s gaze flicking down to the center of his chest before returning to preparing breakfast, even though the feather is hidden under his shirt.                                                                                                        

Neither of them mention the feather directly either, and life resumes as normal. Sam still has nightmares, but when he wakes from them he’s not nearly so shaken or inconsolable when he’s able to hold onto a part of Gabriel like a talisman. Sometimes he doesn’t even have nightmares, and instead simply wakes for seemingly no reason at all. Well, that isn’t true, he knows the reason is because he simply doesn’t sleep as well without the archangel beside him. So like a moth to a flame, Sam still finds himself inevitably drawn to Gabriel’s side night after night. And night after night the archangel indulges him, keeping him company in his bed for the rest of the night. Better still is that he gets to fall asleep in Gabriel’s arms now rather than on his lap.

While Sam treasures Gabriel’s gift, he doesn’t attribute a whole lot of significance to it beyond thinking the archangel was just trying to comfort him. Judging by the look Castiel is giving him right now… perhaps he should have known better.

“Sam, is that what I think it is?” Sam hears, startling him from where he was perusing a reference text in the library with his notes scattered all around him. Something he’s been working on during their ‘vacation’ is a project he’s been meaning to start for ages by now. He’s finally compiling all of the accurate information he and Dean have verified about supernatural creatures and combining it with their Dad’s journal to make a quick reference encyclopedia of sorts. That way they aren’t chasing down the same information time and again from countless ancient texts.

He looks up sharply to find Castiel staring at him, rather wide eyed. Glancing down at his chest, Sam blushes realizing he’s been absently fingering Gabriel’s feather with his left hand. It’s something he’s found that he unconsciously does now when trying to concentrate.

“Possibly?” he tries, unsure of how much he should give away.

While Castiel still looks surprised somewhat, his expression changes into something intensely pensive as he presses, “Did Gabriel give you that?”

Sam can’t help his soft snort of amusement and returns a little sarcastically, “What? You think I just took it?”

The almost dry look the angel gives him reflects just how much progress Dean has made teaching him about the finer points of understanding sarcasm. Castiel seems to let it go though, and shakes his head as he asks, “Do you even know what that is?”

“Umm, one of his feathers?” Sam replies, now utterly confused.

“No,” Castiel shakes his head again, “I mean, do you understand its significance? What it is exactly?”

“No?” Sam answers, now perplexed and anxious.

Castiel hesitates before taking a few steps to take a seat at the table next to Sam. He stares at the feather still held in Sam’s hand for a few seconds before looking back up at him and explaining, “It’s not just a feather Sam. An angel’s wings are a direct manifestation of their grace. We’re not like birds; we don’t molt. We are born with all the feathers we’ll ever have. That feather won’t ever grow back. You are literally holding onto a _piece_ of Gabriel, a piece he can never get back, and he gave it to _you_. Do you understand now?”

Sam swallows and looks back down at the feather with an entirely different understanding. “But why?” he can’t help but ask softly.

“If you can’t figure that out Sam, then you’re even more dense than your brother when it comes to feelings,” Castiel deadpans, making Sam look back up at him in shock.

The angel smiles at him slightly, only adding, “We might be ancient, but we are not without limits to our patience Sam. Don’t make him wait too long.” With that, Castiel takes his leave.

…

The rest of Sam’s day seems to pass by in a haze. He spends most of it turning over Cas’s words in his head. He isn’t stupid; he knows perfectly well what Cas was implying, it’s just that it doesn’t make any sense. Gabriel can’t want him like that, can he? And if he does, why? There’s so much wrong with Sam that he can’t even begin to list them all. Why on earth would Gabriel want a project like him? Especially since the archangel can have just about anyone he wants. What makes him special?

He doesn’t even bother to try and go to sleep that night, choosing instead to get ready for bed before padding downstairs in his slippers and into the den. Sam takes a seat on the couch next to the archangel who is watching a rerun of Dr. Sexy MD.

Gabriel looks over at him, appearing mildly surprised as he remarks, “Little early even for you Sammich.”

Sam shrugs and pulls the leather cord holding Gabriel’s feather up over his head, grasping the feather gently between two fingertips. “Why did you give this to me?” he asks.

Gabriel’s honey gaze doesn’t waver as he replies, “Because you needed it.”

Sam has to work hard to keep from flinching at the intense pain that seems to run him clean through the chest. He drops his gaze to look at the feather again, unable to keep looking the archangel in the eye. Sam hadn’t even realized how much he was letting himself hope that maybe Cas was right.

Before he gets too far down the rabbit hole, Gabriel adds softly, “And because I wanted to.”

Sam looks back up in surprise, but the archangel doesn’t seem inclined to elaborate further. He casts around for something to say until finally settling on, “You don’t miss it though? Cas said,” Gabriel raises an eyebrow at him, but he forges on, “Cas said it won’t grow back. And don’t look at me like that, it’s not like I went and asked him about it. He just caught me in the library earlier when I had it out.”

Gabriel doesn’t answer him directly, asking instead with a slight smirk, “What were you doing with it?”

Sam can’t help his soft flush, but answers nonetheless, “I tend to fidget with it when I’m concentrating on something like reading or taking notes. Now answer the question.”

The archangel is definitely amused by his demand, and appears to evaluate him for a moment before he replies, “Not really. It doesn’t hurt anymore if that’s what you mean.”

“Wait, it hurt you?” Sam asks, alarmed.

Gabriel gives him a bit of a disbelieving look, but answers anyways, “Well yeah Samsquatch. I had to pull it out since it was kinda attached to me and all. Sorta what I imagine it feels like to have one of your fingernails pulled out.”

Sam _vividly_ remembers his run in with the crazy Christmas pagan gods, and can’t help the horrified look on his face.

Gabriel chuckles at his expression and remarks, “It was worth it, and like I said before, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Besides, I know it’s safe with you and that’s what matters.”

It hasn’t even crossed Sam’s mind until now just how vulnerable Gabriel has made himself in giving him one of his feathers. Not only could an artifact like an _archangel’s_ _feather_ be used in some seriously nasty and dark spells, but it could also be used to bind, summon, or do any other number of unpleasant things to Gabriel directly.

He looks back down at the feather in a new light. Stroking its length absently, he murmurs, “I’m kinda terrified of losing it. What with being a hunter and all, and the rather spectacular situations Dean and I find ourselves in often enough I worry it’ll be taken from me. But I don’t want to leave it at the Bunker either. I don’t like the idea of not having it on my person.”

A gentle golden glow illuminates Sam’s immediate surroundings making him look up only to find Gabriel’s eyes glowing a soft gold with the light of his grace. He doesn’t think the archangel is even aware he’s doing it, so Sam refrains from commenting.

“Well,” Gabriel says slowly, “I could make it more permanent if you like, so you can’t ever lose it.”

“How do you mean?” Sam asks, confused.

Again, rather than answer directly, Gabriel asks, “How do you feel about tattoos?”

“What?” Sam says bewilderedly. “I mean, I have one if that’s what you’re asking. Dean and I have antiposession tattoos.”

Gabriel nods, and seems to look at the feather contemplatively for a moment, before intoning, “I can bind it to your soul so you literally can’t lose it. It’ll still manifest on your skin though, but you could pick where you want to put it.”

Sam blinks. It’s a moment before he can manage to ask, “Will I still be able to feel it? I like how it feels like you when I touch it.” As soon as the words are out of his mouth he blushes brightly, having not thought about the way that might sound out loud.

The archangel doesn’t tease him about it though, looking utterly serious as he replies, “Yes. Just remember it’s permanent though Sam, I won’t be able to undo it once it’s done.”

“I’m aware of what permanent means,” Sam grumbles, but after a couple more seconds of Gabriel’s unwavering stare he finally relents and replies, “Okay. Do it.” He almost forgets to tack on a, “Please.”

Gabriel gestures for the feather, which Sam hands over, watching him untie the cord from it. “Where do you want it?” Gabriel asks. Sam thinks about it briefly before offering his left forearm, inside up. The archangel scoots closer so their knees are touching and then places Sam’s forearm on top of them. He positions the feather with the quill facing Sam’s fingers, looking up at him for approval he assumes, so Sam nods.

Gabriel places a gentle hand over the feather to secure it in place and warns, “Last chance to say no.”

Sam stares right back, and simply says, “Yes.”

And just like that the warmth and kindness Sam’s grown so used to seeing reflected in the archangel’s gaze are back. He relaxes with a smile of his own, knowing he’s in good hands. Sam does jump a little though when Gabriel’s left hand slips under his shirt to press flat against his chest. He’s suddenly struck by the intimacy of the gesture, and wonders a bit as to how this feels even more intimate than falling asleep in the archangel’s embrace.

“This will probably feel intense,” Gabriel warns, before closing his eyes and bowing his head. Sam watches the halo he’s so enraptured by manifest itself, closely followed by the golden outline of _wings_. Like the shadow of Cas’s, Gabriel’s stretch beyond the limits of the walls and floor, all _six_ of them, with the largest set spanning at least twenty feet.

He only gets to admire them for a moment before he feels Gabriel’s grace reach _inside_ him. Damn, if he thought just Gabriel’s hand on his chest was intimate before, it’s got _nothing_ on this. The warmth he associates with touching the archangel’s halo actually moves through him with purpose, rather than just diffusing through his whole body.

In fact, Sam can hardly feel his body at all right now, so focused instead on the feeling of Gabriel’s grace embracing what has to be his soul. He suddenly becomes aware of his body again, or at least his forearm, feeling the warmth of Gabriel’s feather travel up his arm and into the center of his chest like a tether where the archangel then seems to almost tie it around his soul. Well, that’s the best description he can come up with at least, since he has zero reference for feeling anything like this ever.

Sam can’t help but try and hold onto Gabriel’s grace when he feels the archangel try to withdraw, and if he were in his right mind he’d be mortified by his behavior. Gabriel doesn’t seem to mind though, and gives his soul one last gentle squeeze before withdrawing entirely.

Blinking his eyes open, Sam refocuses on the archangel in front of him. He watches the golden shadow of Gabriel’s wings disappear along with his halo, as his golden eyes return to their normal honey. “Your wings are beautiful Gabe,” he murmurs, only flushing a little for sounding so sappy, but it’s the undeniable truth. The archangel’s wings, even just shadows of them, are an incredible sight.

Gabriel smiles and replies, “Thank you, I’m rather fond of them as well. I’ll show them to you for real sometime if you like.”

Sam’s heart jumps in his chest. “I’d like that,” he whispers.

He looks down at their laps just in time to see Gabriel withdraw his hand from where it was covering his feather. “Wow,” he breathes. The archangel’s feather is rendered perfectly on the skin of his forearm, still just as gold as it ever was and definitely in a way no tattoo ink could ever hope to mimic. He gently runs his fingertips along its length and gasps softly at the warmth that courses through him, feeling it most intensely in his chest. Now that he’s paying attention, the warm feeling from Gabriel’s grace doesn’t disappear either, remaining like a steady presence that he knows in the depths of his very soul, which he literally does now he supposes.

Sam can’t help his bright smile. He looks back up at the archangel and says, “Thank you,” though the words fall horrendously short of how grateful he truly is.

Gabriel seems to hesitate, almost like he’s about to say something but thinks better of it. “You’re welcome Sam,” is what he says instead before standing and extending a hand to him. Sam takes it and allows the archangel to lead him back to his room.

Settled in Gabriel’s arms for the night, Sam wonders what the archangel was about to say as he drifts off.

…

Sam stops trying to go to sleep alone after that night, always getting ready for bed and then going to find the archangel. They usually end up watching a couple episodes of a TV show or a movie before heading to bed together, but Gabriel never calls him on the change in pattern.

He manages to hold out until Christmas Eve before asking about the archangel’s wings again, even though it’s something constantly in the back of his mind. They all have a really early dinner together, mostly Sam figures so Dean can have lots of time with his angel. They’re almost disgustingly adorable, and Dean isn’t fooling anyone with the gruff tone he puts on around Gabriel and Sam.

Sam shoos the pair along after dinner saying he’ll take care of the dishes, more because he can’t stand watching them make cow eyes at each other for another minute. He’s a little more surprised that Gabriel stays to help him. The archangel isn’t particularly inclined to help out with chores and when he can be convinced he just snaps his fingers to have it done instantly.

Once all the leftovers are put away and the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher and running, Sam turns to Gabriel and asks, “Do you think I could see your wings now?” trying not to sound too desperate.

To his credit, the archangel doesn’t look too taken off guard and smiles as he replies, “Sure Sammich, but I’d rather do it outside if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, lemme just grab my coat and some shoes,” he returns, trying and failing to reign in his excitement as he fairly scurries out of the kitchen.

Gabriel is leaning casually against the doorjamb to his room when Sam turns around after shrugging on his coat. “Good to go?” the archangel asks with a smile, holding a hand out to him.

Sam takes it without hesitation with a smile of his own as he replies, “Yeah.”

The next time he opens his eyes they’re in a field, but it’s one Sam recognizes as not being too far from the Bunker. The sun is already fading fast in the sky, but there’s still plenty of light to see. White blankets the entire field from the fresh snowfall and Sam breathes in the crisp air, admiring the pristineness of it all.

Gabriel lets go of his hand and begins tugging off his jacket, dropping it carelessly on the snow covered ground. As soon as the archangel reaches for the hem of his shirt Sam nearly yelps, “Gabe what are you doing?!”

“It feels weird if I try to manifest them through clothes,” is the muffled response Sam gets as Gabriel pulls his shirt over his head, dropping it on top of the jacket at his feet.

Sam swallows hard taking in the picture Gabriel makes, his hair tousled and golden chest bare without a hint of self-consciousness. Not that the archangel has anything to be self-conscious about. Gabriel might not be cut like he is, but he certainly isn’t without definition. There’s no denying he looks far better than he should considering all the sweets he eats constantly, but that’s a vessel for you Sam supposes.

“Ready?” Gabriel asks with a smile.

Sam can only nod.

Gabriel takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders as his head tips back. He watches the archangel’s halo shimmer to life a split second before magnificent golden wings unfold slowly from his back, stretching to their full wingspan.

Sam is overcome with awe.

Golden eyes open to meet his, looking far too calm for how Sam is feeling right now, as if the archangel has no idea what kind of a life changing experience this is for him.

He has no words, so he simply stares, taking it all in. He walks a slow circle around the archangel, thinking the view from the back is just as impressive as the front. When Sam is finally back where he started, standing in front Gabriel, the archangel allows his wings to return to a resting position, folding with a soft rustle of feathers.

“Can I touch them?” Sam asks softly, though his voice still sounds far too loud in the quiet stillness of the field.

Gabriel regards him with an unreadable expression long enough that Sam is about to apologize for even asking, but then shifts his topmost right wing towards him in silent invitation.

Sam doesn’t dare take a breath as he raises his trembling left hand to ever so gently brush his fingertips against the golden feathers. The now familiar warmth of Gabriel’s grace rushes through him like the best dopamine high. When the archangel doesn’t move after a few strokes, Sam becomes braver and cards his fingers through the silky feathers.

After doing this for a minute, Sam finally looks at Gabriel again, only to find him with his eyes closed again and the barest hint of color on his cheeks. He looks blissful.

Before Sam even realizes what he’s doing, he’s leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the archangel’s lips.

Gabriel’s sharp inhale is enough to shock him back to his senses though, jerking back so fast that he nearly falls over backwards.

“I…” his voice cracks, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Sam turns, intent on walking back to the Bunker so he can hole himself up in his room and never come out. He doesn’t even care that it’s nearly a mile walk and freezing outside. Anything to put some distance between himself and the archangel right now.

His wrist is caught and held in a firm grip. “Did you mean it?” comes the soft query.

Sam looks at the snow covered ground and desperately tries to keep it together. He has to swallow a couple times before he can manage a rather broken sounding, “I’m sorry Gabriel, I won’t do it again.”

“That’s not what I asked Sam,” the archangel intones, sounding utterly serious now.

Sam cringes at his tone and wonders if he’s angered Gabriel enough for the archangel to smite him. It’d be no less than he deserves after all.

“Yes,” he whispers as a tear slips down his cheek.

“Good,” Gabriel says. Sam doesn’t even get a chance to process the archangel’s reply before being turned around and immediately swept into another kiss.

His brain seems to stick for a few seconds, like it simply refuses to comprehend what is happening. As soon as it does, Sam surrenders to the kiss completely with a soft whimper and a few more tears tumbling down his cheeks.

Gabriel kisses the same way his grace feels: gentle but unmistakably powerful. And he tastes like peppermint.

He hears the distant sound of feathers rustling, but there’s no mistaking the cocoon of warmth created as he’s enfolded in the archangel’s wings. Sam responds by burying his fingers in Gabriel’s halo and kissing back for all he’s worth.

When Gabriel finally releases Sam from the kiss, he’s out of breath and completely high on a combination of the archangel’s grace and his own endorphins.

They spend a few moments simply breathing the same air before the archangel murmurs, “I’m sorry Sam.” Sam feels his heart drop in his chest in the worst way. “I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that,” Gabriel finishes softly like it pains him to say it.

Wait… “What?” Sam asks.

Gabriel’s wings tighten briefly around him before unfurling back to their resting position behind the archangel, and Sam misses them immediately. When Gabriel tries to take a step back, Sam lets him, even though it hurts worse than anything he’s ever experienced to let the archangel go.

Honey eyes regard him tiredly and for the first time ever, Sam thinks Gabriel looks every bit the ancient being he is.

He looks… defeated.

Gabriel pushes a hand through his hair and casts his gaze across the field for a moment before coming to rest on Sam once more. “I can’t do this with you Sam,” the archangel intones flatly.

Sam flinches and looks down at the snow covered ground. “Yeah, I think I got that part,” he replies roughly, amazed that his voice is still working at all what with the way his heart feels, like it’s been ripped clean from his chest.

“No, I mean I can’t do this with you casually,” Gabriel explains, both sounding and looking frustrated.

Though he isn’t feeling any less wounded, Sam is marginally more confused. “I don’t understand,” he whispers.

Gabriel crosses his arms and his wings press close to his body in what Sam realizes must be a defensive gesture. “I can’t just have sex with you, not without bonding you to me!” he suddenly bursts out, startling Sam considerably. “Fuck,” Gabriel mumbles, pushing his face into one hand. The archangel takes a deep breath and explains more calmly, “I can’t be just a fling for you Sam. Because of the way I feel about you, I won’t ever be able to have casual sex with you. Bonding is forever, literally, and souls, as you know, continue to exist once the body they inhabit is gone. And because,” Gabriel’s voice breaks, “Because I know you don’t want me like that, I have… I have to put a stop to it here. I’ll figure it out Sam, I promise. If Cassie could learn to manage it, I can too. It’ll just take me some time to learn how to be there for you without overstepping my bounds.”

It sort of feels like the ground beneath him has crumbled away only to be rebuilt entirely in the span of a minute. Sam can’t help the slightly hysterical laughter that bubbles out of his chest. The wounded look Gabriel is giving him doesn’t stop Sam from stepping into the archangel’s personal space and raising his hands to cup his jaw gently.

“So you mean to tell me,” Sam begins softly, “That you can’t tell how ridiculously, hilariously, head over heels in love I am with you?”

Gabriel blinks owlishly at him, but Sam only leans down and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. “Because I am,” he murmurs, kissing him again, “And forever doesn’t sound nearly long enough, but it’s a start. If you’ll still have me that is.” Even if Sam wanted to say anything else he wouldn’t be able to since Gabriel practically devours him.

…

End ^_^

 

Here are the lyrics to Hallelujah: (I may or may not have changed a couple words here and there :p and the Pentatonix version doesn't include one of the verses that the original does)

 

I hear there was a secret cord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don’t really care for music, do ya?

Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

 

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw him bathing on the roof

His beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya

He tied you to his kitchen chair

He broke your throne and he cut your hair

And from your lips he drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

 

Baby I’ve been here before

I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor

You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya

And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch

And love is not a victory march

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

 

Well, there was a time when you let me know

What’s really going on below

But now you never show that to me, do ya?

But remember, when I moved in ya

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

 

Maybe there’s a God above

But all I’ve ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

And it’s not a cry that you hear at night

It’s not somebody who’s seen the light

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


End file.
